Abacab adventures suck when you’re having them…
April 10, 11:24 PM – Phone call from Pete: “Matt you need to call Cliff right now, they’ve been hit!”
It’s the first night of a six-week run of shows for Abacab - The Music of Genesis, and the first of five straight sold-out shows in a single week, starting in Hobart, IN. This is the biggest and longest tour that we (Cliff Stankiewicz, Dan Vitco, James Nelson, Pete Lents) have performed together as Abacab, and we were excited to leverage our brand new equipment truck, supported by Tim Correll, Joey Bostock, and Tyler Whiting. Within minutes of departing from that first gig, Cliff and Tim were hit head-on in our truck by a drunk driver. This guy was reeking of booze, and local police had him in cuffs within minutes, followed by another unrelated passing vehicle that was also stopped and taken to jail (apparently, this is a popular corridor for booze cruising). Cliff banged up his wrist on the steering wheel, but everyone in both vehicles was ok.
Hobart, IN
After squeezing in four hours of sleep, we were all hands-on-deck to transfer our road cases to a U-Haul, and the band and crew began the five-hour trip to Cleveland while I searched for a body shop that might take our truck. Cleveland has a special place in our hearts, but it always finds a way to complicate my arrival (an urgent care stop for a kidney stone attack delayed me for the same gig last year). Cleveland is also the home of our most loyal fan base, though Genesis fans can also suck at times. While enjoying a break in our green room during intermission, a lady walked right through our door without knocking. She immediately approached Pete with something like this:
Lady: I saw your setlist, and you’re not playing The Carpet Crawlers (CC)
Pete: Yeah, we’re playing CC here tomorrow night
Lady: But last year when you played here, you promised you’d play CC
Pete: We are, just tomorrow night
Lady: Yeah, but those of us who attended last year would have bought tickets to the first show this year
Pete: (with a grin on his face that signals that he’s about to tell her to fuck off) See, we actually took a lot of requests last year, and when our first show sold out, we needed to spread out all those songs across both nights because we also promised we’d perform two completely different sets each night
Lady: But tomorrow’s show is also sold out. Tell you what, I’ll give you $20 to play CC
We should have kicked her out at that point, but we patiently waited for her to accept the reality that we weren’t budging. Those two Cleveland shows were a huge success, comprising almost four hours of unique songs. In fact, we maintained a rotation of over 40 songs this tour to keep things fresh and tailor to our specific audiences. To cap off the weekend, we all visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame museum the day before Phil Collins was finally inducted. Coincidence? I think not.
Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame - Cleveland
We spent the next few weeks crisscrossing the Midwest and Mid-Atlantic. Between gigs, Sandy and I took time to explore the beautiful state parks of Ohio, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia, including a meet-up with my namesake, who I discovered was running for Sheriff of Rush County, Indiana. To Sandy’s dismay, this was not my first meetup with a total stranger I found on the Interweb (ask her about the guy with the wood chipper). This ‘Matthew Hedrick’ never heard of the band Rush, but he was a warm guy devoted to his community and gladly gave me some campaign swag I put on full display at our local show later that evening.
Ohiopyle falls
Still, the universe always has a way to offset the warmth of humanity, this time via a Facebook message to the band:
“I cannot tell you how upset I was and still am that you did not play Invisible Touch or Abacab last night in Hagerstown. You should state this at the beginning of your show - when you finished, I literally could not believe that you did not play either song. I was furious.”
Feeling a bit spicy after our Carpet Crawler encounter in Cleveland, I sent her this response:
We’re not sure what you hope to accomplish by your upset…or “furious” message to us, but we will not respond with anger if that is what you are seeking:
"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him."
— Epictetus
Would you be upset with yourself if you realized that we often update our setlists when we receive thoughtful song requests in advance? Would it make you furious to know we would have gladly received your request to play those songs when we return next time? Instead, you seem to feel entitled to the privilege of hearing two random songs, rather than enjoying the long list of other radio hits we played that night. If our audience expects us to be mind-readers, should we apologize for all the other random hits we didn’t play that night?
We are in no position to tell you what you should do next time you attend a live performance, but you could choose to approach it with a more open mind to enjoy the experience like the rest of the audience. This may even help you enjoy other experiences in life a little more.
I admit that was a patronizing response, but I was also inspired by a similar learning experience from a New Orleans bus driver years ago. Sandy and I were on our first trip to the French Quarter, and I’m throwing one of my classic tantrums toward some slow driver in front of me. Reading my body language in the lane next to me, the driver opens the bus door to get my attention:
“Hey, you’re on vacation. Just have fun. You’re in Nawlins!”
Was I that obviously a tourist? The spirit of that bus driver helps me power through many wasted emotions to this day, but I’m still working on that. Speaking of vacation fun, Abacab took advantage of some of our off days between gigs, starting with a visit to Museum of Music Technology (MMT) (themmt.org): A 33,000-square-foot facility in Harleysville, Pennsylvania that houses a massive collection of rare synthesizers, vintage amplifiers, and gear by legendary artists. I’ve never been so overwhelmed by such a massive collection, and much of the museum is hands-on. To see Dan play Tony Banks’ legendary parts on Hammond Organ, Mellotron, Arp Pro Soloist, and RMI Electra-Piano was mind-blowing. Pete also had his mind blown by a visit to the Star Trek Original Series Set Tour (startrektour.com).
The last leg of the tour was a huge milestone for us: Our first dates in Canada. The band and crew managed to squeeze a few relaxing days of bonfires, paddling, and guitar duels between James and Dan at a lakefront cabin in the Adirondacks before our first gig in Rosemère (Montreal), Quebec.
Minerva Lake, NY
This was followed by Gatineau (Ottawa), and a private event near Toronto. Our promoter had warned us that Quebec is teaming with rabid Genesis fans (especially the Gabriel era), but we were not prepared for the overwhelming enthusiasm and dedication from those who came to our shows.
On our very first night, we experienced the mother of all technical difficulties when a power surge blew all the soundboard settings three songs in, and we had to re-soundcheck everything for over 30 minutes in front of the full audience. We kept our cool and had fun with the crowd during the whole ordeal. By the time we restarted the show, the whole theatre was rooting for us. Not to be outdone: A ghost in the next venue’s lighting system decided to blast the whole audience in bright house lights during the whole show. They were more lit than we were! Despite our fear that might dampen the mood of the night, Gatineau blew us away after a standing ovation for a second encore we were not expecting.
I borrowed the term “adventures suck when you’re having them” from Neil Peart. We endured all the things that “suck” (long drives, wrecked truck, whiny people, and technical difficulties) for the opportunity to play this music we deeply love. We bonded closer to Tyler and Joey and got to fully appreciate the dedication and talents of our new road manager, Tim. Just this week, I heard the same concept expressed in more philosophical terms by Dr. John Demartini, whose core principles of Balanced Perceptions recognize that every experience in life has both positive and negative aspects. By recognizing both sides of an event, it dissolves "all-or-nothing" thinking, which can help us enjoy the good times in life even more.
To put this all into perspective, though, we received tragic news the morning of our final gig. Pete’s mate in Thurston Howell Band, Eric Lovell, lost his long battle with cancer that morning. Pete was dealing with indescribable emotions that day, as was Joey, who had also become close to Eric recently. We all had a strong affection for Eric and his partner, Gigi, including Sandy and me, based on our visits when we would talk about anything but music. After a cathartic moment during our intermission that night, Pete channeled those wells of emotion into the most energetic performance I’ve ever seen him deliver. At one point during our duel drumming for the Los Endos finale, I just stopped playing (moving my hands to appear as if I was playing) and watched his power take over that stage. Pete played and sang a perfect show that night, and I can’t think of a better way to honor Eric.
Thurston Howell Band
No AI (besides basic aids from Grammarly) was used in the creation of this blog entry
Arrival Fallacy
Ok, the idea of writing a BLOG in retirement seemed like a slam dunk. Apply all that spare time you freed up from work with endless bursts of creative passion. Wrong. Over the past three months, I arrogantly assumed that because I’m retiring into something (travel + hitting things with sticks), I had happiness all figured out. Wrong again.
I’m coming to grips with the Arrival Fallacy that I’ve built up over the past year (or possibly my whole career?) and carefully reassessing the important things in life. One inspiration has been Scott Galloway’s “The Algebra of Happiness: The Pursuit of Success, Love and what it All Means.” Clearly, there’s no actual formula, but I’ve always appreciated his acerbic wit, and his observations in this book gave me a microscopic view of my own disfunctions I need to work on. My Bullshit. One invaluable tool is his definition of unconditional love as the ultimate human achievement. I don’t interpret that in a sacrificial or romantic way. Instead, I’m becoming increasingly aware that having a deeper connection with Sandy can be the most abundant resource for achieving my own happiness. Stated more simply and directly, my friend Kevin just told me last week about choices he’s made in life, and how it was a no-brainer for “the love of my life.”
Another motivation has been The Minimalists podcast by Joshua Fields Millburn and T.K. Coleman. To be clear, I’m a failing minimalist, but Sandy and I both find joy searching for ways to remove physical and emotional clutter from our lives. I spent the first month of my retirement clogging my life with clutter by saying yes to everything (I have unlimited free time now!) and glued to my computer more than 8 hours a day developing and promoting content for those “creative passions.” I realize now that work/life balance needs to be succeeded by a new life balance that is free from digital clutter. Here are several goals I’ve set to control that rectangle thingy we stare at all day:
A. Limit screen time to pre-planned hours
B. Disable message alerts on my apple watch
C. Keep my phone in silent mode at ALL times
D. Put the phone completely away in the evenings
E. Stop charging the phone at my bedside table
F. TURN OFF SOCIAL MEDIA
That last one is my greatest aspiration. Hypocritically, I still promote my bands there, and it’s the primary way to share this BLOG, but I’d rather have a thoughtful exchange with a few people than thousands of pointless brain droppings on the FaceSpace. I’ve become completely disinterested in doom scrolling, and caring less about others’ content has been cathartic. I’d like to have a little fun by airing my top 10 grievances with the socials:
1. Advertising: If you're not paying for the product, you are the product
2. Tribalism: Too many people arguing for their “Team” vs a genuine interest in objective debate
3. Logical Fallacies: Littered with general truths that have little connection to the logic of one’s argument
4. Reposting: Too much lazy copy/paste behavior without checking your sources (Google is your friend)
5. False Equivalencies: People can't walk into a room and see an elephant and a mouse and not know which one is bigger
6. Conspiracy Theories: Lazy attempts to justify something you want to believe
7. What-about-isms: People love to deflect blame for objectively bad behavior by distracting with some other unrelated event
8. Self-righteousness: Many of you think you’re smarter than you are and never admit you’re wrong
9. Rudeness: The shit people say to each other that one would never say in person is baffling
10. Politics: You’re not going to change anyone’s mind…you’re not helping
For the next few months, Sandy, Max, and I will be traveling in Prime Mover, and I hope to share some of those adventures as an alternative to the socials. I’ll try not to take myself too seriously and will work to improve my storytelling skills, but I will continue to use no AI (besides Grammarly) in the creation of these posts.
I’ve quoted this Neil Peart lyric many times in my travels, but only recently have I come to fully grasp its broader wisdom:
The Point Of The Journey Is Not To Arrive
Last Day Worked
Retire into something…
I’ve had the good fortune to work for three privately owned companies throughout my 35-year career: Booke & Company, Hewitt Associates, and Fidelity Investments. Fatefully, those first two employers were eventually acquired by the same public company (which I shall not name), prompting me to jump ship both times. Before that, I worked part-time as a “Swing Manager” at McDonald’s throughout high school and college…one of the most important formative experiences of my life. I also met Sandy there.
Today is my last day of employment. I’ve never not been employed since my 16th birthday. Not one single day. I even once worked the weekend between changing jobs (while Sandy was laid up with a broken foot). I was a bona fide workaholic for many years, and I thank Sandy, Kayla, and Molly for tolerating that while I learned to be a better partner and father. I am not suggesting that going to college and working a corporate job is remotely the definition of success; it’s just that path that I chose. I’m a firm believer in Scott Galloway’s notion that one shouldn’t necessarily “follow their passion”…I was better served by finding something I was good at and making that my passion.
Along this journey, I experienced plenty of setbacks, but was guided by great mentors who helped me find my way:
Ken Whicker was my first manager at McDonald’s. He taught me the values of motivating others, being excellent in your field (he would literally quiz me on the weight and dimensions of a frozen Filet-O-Fish), and most importantly, being customer-focused.
Lee Bettis was my first senior leader at Booke, who took me under his wing and gave me a chance to learn from my mistakes.
Craig Maloney plucked me out of project management to give me my first leadership role in Relationship Management at Hewitt. He had the uncanny ability to make me want to run through a wall even after revealing that everyone thought I completely bombed my first leadership presentation.
Nancy Pallerino entered my life twice at the most critical crossroads of my career. She saw something in me that few people did, opening up opportunities I never imagined. She guided me and countless others in selfless ways we didn’t realize until we had the luxury of time to reflect upon.
My Dad set the template for an unrelenting work ethic, and my Mom instilled in me a level of curiosity and persistence that laid the foundation for all of these opportunities.
Honorable mention goes to anyone who may not have been my strongest advocate, but had the integrity to shoot straight with me. If you ever receive tough feedback, get passed over for a promotion, or even get managed out, check your ego at the door and learn from it. My friend Jim teaches his kids that you are your own best advocate.
I realize I’ve been fortunate in life not to face many of the social or economic hurdles others encounter. However, I believe that anyone can aspire to surround themselves with good people who do good for others. Stated more directly: Bust your ass to earn the privilege to be influenced by great role models! My next phase will be focused on:
Being more present to my immediate family
Decluttering my life in pursuit of “What is the most excellent thing I can do today?”
Devoting more time to my Creative Projects
That includes giving this Blog thing a try. I’m not sure what I have to say is all that important or interesting, but I’m sick of social media, and I hope this will be a more authentic way to connect with people. You can’t like, subscribe, or comment, but you can contact me at matthewhedrick9@gmail.com if you have something thoughtful to share.