Arrival Fallacy
Ok, the idea of writing a BLOG in retirement seemed like a slam dunk. Apply all that spare time you freed up from work with endless bursts of creative passion. Wrong. Over the past three months, I arrogantly assumed that because I’m retiring into something (travel + hitting things with sticks), I had happiness all figured out. Wrong again.
I’m coming to grips with the Arrival Fallacy that I’ve built up over the past year (or possibly my whole career?) and carefully reassessing the important things in life. One inspiration has been Scott Galloway’s “The Algebra of Happiness: The Pursuit of Success, Love and what it All Means.” Clearly, there’s no actual formula, but I’ve always appreciated his acerbic wit, and his observations in this book gave me a microscopic view of my own disfunctions I need to work on. My Bullshit. One invaluable tool is his definition of unconditional love as the ultimate human achievement. I don’t interpret that in a sacrificial or romantic way. Instead, I’m becoming increasingly aware that having a deeper connection with Sandy can be the most abundant resource for achieving my own happiness. Stated more simply and directly, my friend Kevin just told me last week about choices he’s made in life, and how it was a no-brainer for “the love of my life.”
Another motivation has been The Minimalists podcast by Joshua Fields Millburn and T.K. Coleman. To be clear, I’m a failing minimalist, but Sandy and I both find joy searching for ways to remove physical and emotional clutter from our lives. I spent the first month of my retirement clogging my life with clutter by saying yes to everything (I have unlimited free time now!) and glued to my computer more than 8 hours a day developing and promoting content for those “creative passions.” I realize now that work/life balance needs to be succeeded by a new life balance that is free from digital clutter. Here are several goals I’ve set to control that rectangle thingy we stare at all day:
A. Limit screen time to pre-planned hours
B. Disable message alerts on my apple watch
C. Keep my phone in silent mode at ALL times
D. Put the phone completely away in the evenings
E. Stop charging the phone at my bedside table
F. TURN OFF SOCIAL MEDIA
That last one is my greatest aspiration. Hypocritically, I still promote my bands there, and it’s the primary way to share this BLOG, but I’d rather have a thoughtful exchange with a few people than thousands of pointless brain droppings on the FaceSpace. I’ve become completely disinterested in doom scrolling, and caring less about others’ content has been cathartic. I’d like to have a little fun by airing my top 10 grievances with the socials:
1. Advertising: If you're not paying for the product, you are the product
2. Tribalism: Too many people arguing for their “Team” vs a genuine interest in objective debate
3. Logical Fallacies: Littered with general truths that have little connection to the logic of one’s argument
4. Reposting: Too much lazy copy/paste behavior without checking your sources (Google is your friend)
5. False Equivalencies: People can't walk into a room and see an elephant and a mouse and not know which one is bigger
6. Conspiracy Theories: Lazy attempts to justify something you want to believe
7. What-about-isms: People love to deflect blame for objectively bad behavior by distracting with some other unrelated event
8. Self-righteousness: Many of you think you’re smarter than you are and never admit you’re wrong
9. Rudeness: The shit people say to each other that one would never say in person is baffling
10. Politics: You’re not going to change anyone’s mind…you’re not helping
For the next few months, Sandy, Max, and I will be traveling in Prime Mover, and I hope to share some of those adventures as an alternative to the socials. I’ll try not to take myself too seriously and will work to improve my storytelling skills, but I will continue to use no AI (besides Grammarly) in the creation of these posts.
I’ve quoted this Neil Peart lyric many times in my travels, but only recently have I come to fully grasp its broader wisdom:
The Point Of The Journey Is Not To Arrive
Last Day Worked
Retire into something…
I’ve had the good fortune to work for three privately owned companies throughout my 35-year career: Booke & Company, Hewitt Associates, and Fidelity Investments. Fatefully, those first two employers were eventually acquired by the same public company (which I shall not name), prompting me to jump ship both times. Before that, I worked part-time as a “Swing Manager” at McDonald’s throughout high school and college…one of the most important formative experiences of my life. I also met Sandy there.
Today is my last day of employment. I’ve never not been employed since my 16th birthday. Not one single day. I even once worked the weekend between changing jobs (while Sandy was laid up with a broken foot). I was a bona fide workaholic for many years, and I thank Sandy, Kayla, and Molly for tolerating that while I learned to be a better partner and father. I am not suggesting that going to college and working a corporate job is remotely the definition of success; it’s just that path that I chose. I’m a firm believer in Scott Galloway’s notion that one shouldn’t necessarily “follow their passion”…I was better served by finding something I was good at and making that my passion.
Along this journey, I experienced plenty of setbacks, but was guided by great mentors who helped me find my way:
Ken Whicker was my first manager at McDonald’s. He taught me the values of motivating others, being excellent in your field (he would literally quiz me on the weight and dimensions of a frozen Filet-O-Fish), and most importantly, being customer-focused.
Lee Bettis was my first senior leader at Booke, who took me under his wing and gave me a chance to learn from my mistakes.
Craig Maloney plucked me out of project management to give me my first leadership role in Relationship Management at Hewitt. He had the uncanny ability to make me want to run through a wall even after revealing that everyone thought I completely bombed my first leadership presentation.
Nancy Pallerino entered my life twice at the most critical crossroads of my career. She saw something in me that few people did, opening up opportunities I never imagined. She guided me and countless others in selfless ways we didn’t realize until we had the luxury of time to reflect upon.
My Dad set the template for an unrelenting work ethic, and my Mom instilled in me a level of curiosity and persistence that laid the foundation for all of these opportunities.
Honorable mention goes to anyone who may not have been my strongest advocate, but had the integrity to shoot straight with me. If you ever receive tough feedback, get passed over for a promotion, or even get managed out, check your ego at the door and learn from it. My friend Jim teaches his kids that you are your own best advocate.
I realize I’ve been fortunate in life not to face many of the social or economic hurdles others encounter. However, I believe that anyone can aspire to surround themselves with good people who do good for others. Stated more directly: Bust your ass to earn the privilege to be influenced by great role models! My next phase will be focused on:
Being more present to my immediate family
Decluttering my life in pursuit of “What is the most excellent thing I can do today?”
Devoting more time to my Creative Projects
That includes giving this Blog thing a try. I’m not sure what I have to say is all that important or interesting, but I’m sick of social media, and I hope this will be a more authentic way to connect with people. You can’t like, subscribe, or comment, but you can contact me at matthewhedrick9@gmail.com if you have something thoughtful to share.